Saturday, November 16, 2013

Juggling With Joy

Confusions
So, here I am, a 20 year old junior in college. I have just 1 year left before I hit the "real world" and it gets more terrifying every day. This semester is especially hard for me. You know, you think back from when you began your journey, with all your hopes and dreams, with all your goals and friends, all that faith and love, and you wonder where it all went. I see these freshmen come in, I see their cheerful disposition and their contagious happiness, and I wonder with great sadness when we all lost our JOY.  Somewhere along the way we lost our spark for life! I have spent the last 2 years growing up instead of enjoying my youthfulness! Don't get me wrong, I don't want less responsibility, I've just denied myself JOY and that's so important!

I'm a funny person--I've always had my humor--but now it just seems like a crutch. We spend our college years growing, developing, and shaping ourselves into the people we want to be but here I am wishing I could step back. I've worked hard to be a more serious image of God's eternal glory but neglected to embrace the JOY that God provides for me! This world may not be my home, but I am to find JOY in the life I live as long as I walk by faith. At some point the lines were blurred and my JOYmy fun, my cheerfulness, got lost in the mix. 

In moments like these I can't help but heave a sigh and ask God where I went wrong. I've been praying more lately than I probably ever have before and the reassurance I feel is so...nice! I'm trying to surround myself with some of the younger students here so that I can feel that JOY again and it's doing me a world of good. Maybe with time I can get back to that JOY:

"There are many who say, 'Who will show us some good? Lift up the light of your face upon us, O Lord!' You have put more JOY in my heart than they have when their grain and wine abound. In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety" (Psalm 4:6-8).

What is JOY then? Webster's describes JOY this way:
JOY : a feeling of great happiness
        : a source or cause of great happiness
        : the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires.

We can find JOY in every part of our life if we work to make our goals move as one. Isn't it crazy how each thing in the bible ties together so perfectly and works so well together? With God their is love, with love there is JOY, with JOY there is peace, with peace there is patience, with patience there is kindness, with kindness there is goodness, with goodness there is faithfulness, with faithfulness there is gentleness, and with gentleness there is self-control (Galatians 5:22). It's all so... perfect! All of the things we seek to have come through God and God alone! And there, there we find our JOY!

Isaiah 26:1-21
I chose this passage as my go-to-passage recently because of the fact that it so easily embodies the tribulations and doubts of man and I encourage you to read it all. "You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock" (3-4). I forget to trust in God so often and I am ashamed of that. Everything works out through God--all things! Why is that so hard to get then? Why do I constantly struggle with it? Why is it so hard for me to have JOY and grow in God's glory? The marvelous thing is, I can have that JOY again. God sends us these messages constantly as reminders of his grace and love and we turn a blind eye...

How can I be so nervous when God has promise to save us from these things that burden us? "Strengthen the weak hands, and make firm the feeble knees. Say to those who have an anxious heart, 'Be strong; fear not! Behold, your God will come with vengeance, with the recompense of God. He will come and save you'"(Isaiah 35:3-4).

Romans 2:19-21a: "and if you are sure that you yourself are a guide to the blind, a light to those who are in darkness, an instructor of the foolish, a teacher of children, having in the law the embodiment of knowledge and truth--you then who teach others, do you not teach yourself?" If I teach others the will of God and uphold it as I do so, I myself am learning with them what I need to know to receive God's eternal promise. 

James 1:2-4: "Count it all JOY  my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." JOY... in life. This life, I am allowed JOY through every test thrown at me--In. This. Life. So why have I denied myself that JOY?! I can't anymore... and I won't. I need JOY back, and with prayer and action I will get there. Do you have JOY? Have you lost it? You should join me in finding it again, neither of us will regret it, I promise, and so does God! ;)

Monday, November 4, 2013

Sick Season

This Last month
Once again 'tis the season of sneezing and coughing and once again I fail to avoid it. I've spent the last few weeks sick with any number of things and it's such a relief to see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

With all of the extra time I had while sick, you'd think I would have jumped on getting some work done. Let's be honest, I was sick! Who likes to do chores and homework when you're ill? 

No, I laid around and whined about little things like the biggest baby and begged my dear roommates to do things for me. They did their best to help me out, but 2 of them ended up sick themselves with their own illnesses and then we were all just a pile of contagion sipping on hot drinks and crying our eyes out to Grey's Anatomy and adorable movies. It was pathetic, really. 

Thanksgiving Break
I'm just counting down the days until Thanksgiving break! I don't want homework, tests, essays; I want a break from all that noise! I took a short course in August so I've been here 2 weeks longer than the majority of the student body and I'm just burnt out. Here I am, a junior in college, sitting in a freshman level Speech Communication class and what am I doing? Blogging. I spread out my Gen-Ed's to keep my semesters pretty light and I don't regret it, but that doesn't mean I pay much attention in Speech and Physical Science. 

Not only am I excited to be away from all the work, but it's healthy to get a break from the people you live with. But that's not my biggest joy with this coming break. What I am most excited about for this coming break is that my sister-in-law is supposed to have her baby the day before Thanksgiving. We're just hoping she's not late because we have to head back home that next Sunday and 11 hour trips aren't fun to make more than twice in one week. I'm excited to be an aunt for the first time and I can not wait to welcome little Zachary to our big, crazy family!

Now
And here comes chapel, people, I'll revise, update, and add later. 

Saturday, September 28, 2013

The Most Avoided Discussion Among Christian Women

What is the one subject that is avoided by almost all members of the body of Christ? What is the one topic that, if brought up, is immediately shut down? It's just one word, people, one simple word: LUST

LUST

What is lust?
A strong sexual desire for someone/something. 
How many of you have heard someone speak on lust before?
How many of you have heard that men lust more than women?
How many of you had to find out on your own that lust affects women, too?

It's a scary thing to experience Lust for the first time when well respected women and men in the church have hammered since Noah's Ark stopped being the main bible story that Lust is not a "female kind of thing."


What "They" Say

In high school we were told that a guy is found to think about sex once every 30 seconds. 
From the talks I heard growing up, the speaker would always say to the boys, "You will lust." To the girls they would say, "Be good, you will make THEM lust." Looking back I could almost spit at these absurd concepts that were slapped at us from our youth. How dare anyone say that to 10 to 16 year old's, what a way to mold a young mind! The BIGGEST error in these "talks" is that it leads the naïve Christian woman to consider themselves extremely inhuman when Lust tugs on them for the first time. 

What the Bible Says (ESV)

  • 1 John 2:16 | "For all that is in the world--the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life--is not from the Father but is from the world."
  • Galatians 6:8 | "For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life."
  • Romans 8:6 | "For to set the mind on flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace."
  • James 1:14-15 | "But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death."
Tell me, where in the Bible, the Inspired Word of God, does it say that men Lust more than women? That's right, no where! In fact, in James 1:14-15, James informs us that EACH person is tempted! 

Statistics
Why Statistics? Well, frankly, it's about time the general public got a peek at the statistical standing on Lust in women.
  • 70% of women keep their cyber activities secret.
  • 17% of women struggle with pornography addiction.
  • 9.4 million women access adult web sites each month.
  • Women, over men, are more likely to act out these desired behaviors in real life--like multiple partners, casual sex, and affairs. 
  • Did you know: In the Middle Ages, church priests informed their parishioners that women were naturally more lustful, carnal, insatiable, and visually stimulated. 
An Artists Perspective 
As an artist, I have a special admiration for the human body because of it's intricacies. When asked which gender is more appealing artistically, I will say the females every time. The female form is by far the more striking and beautiful one. When working with any medium, most artists would confidently say the male form is much easier to construct. With sharp jaw lines, jagged edges, thick eyebrows, strong noses, and defined muscle tone, the male form is a bulky, simpler piece to master! The female body? It's smoother, warmer, more curvy, more intricate, and frankly, harder to get right!

Because of this, it is easy to fall under the assumption that men Lust more after women than women do men. 

So, What's Going On?
If it is true that there was a time when women were viewed as more sexual creatures, then what's going on now? Simply put, Society plays a huge role in the awareness of female lust today. The fact remains: Lust in women is a REAL thing that is so often overlooked because of the way society works. From the dawn of man, women were known to be silent. This meant that women didn't necessarily come right out and talk about their struggles with lust in fear of being reprimanded and considered to be less human. 

We all do it! We all lust at least once in our lives, and for many, it is a constant struggle. But that doesn't make us an anomaly or any less human than the next person. 

There is redemption from a life of lust: 1 John 1:9 | "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 

Lust isn't just for men, it's for women too but it all comes down to whether we indulge in the Lusts of the flesh or fight to overpower the temptations of the world: Song of Solomon 2:7 | "I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases." 1 Timothy 2:22 | "So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart." That's the beauty of Free Will people, God gave us that choice. And what a marvelous blessing that is!

Sunday, September 1, 2013

Labor Day Weekend

Well, It's labor day weekend! Me? I'm home with my family. I was supposed to ride home with some friends on Friday but I ended up staying another night and leaving around 11am on Saturday to head home. It's only a 2.5/3 hour drive but I wanted to be fully rested from my busy day before heading home. 

Friday night was quite fun... My roommate Ginny and I were chilling in our room and ended up falling asleep and I woke up an hour later to her coming in the room. After she told me she was making waffles, I jumped up to get some myself. A few nights ago we were at Walmart and saw Ego Waffles and had to get some! I'm not really sure why, but they always seem to hit the spot. 

I have a special memory with Ego Waffles: Over summer tour in 2012, my packing partner and I, Shauna, stayed at a couples house and that next morning they fed us Ego Waffles with coffee. Even though we were fed much more extravagant meals throughout our 2 week trip, that breakfast was the most satisfying and comforting meal we'd had! Find joy in the simple things, right? Well, anyway, Ginny and I made waffles in the dorm kitchen for supper since we'd missed out on food in the dining hall. As we sat and ate I realized that we should have cooked with some friends since we weren't busy. We called our friend Katie and asked her if she wanted to cook dinner with us but by the time she came over we all decided we'd rather go to Los Portales instead because we're super lazy. We invited her roommate Hannah to come and then our other friend Becca and we all piled into her car to go get some Mexican food! The food was delicious, we chowed down like a bunch of starved children then made our way back to campus. 

After getting back to campus, none of us really wanted to go back into the dorm. We all decided to jump from Becca's car to Hannah's red convertible VW bug to try and go Boog-Busting. Wait, wait! You say, What on this green earth is Boog-Busting? Well, Boog-Busting is a Freed-Hardeman term for the people who go and ruin make-out sessions. Boogin' itself is a term used for people who drive out to private locations to play tonsil hockey in the quiet comfort of their vehicles. Boog-Busters are the group of people who seek out those secluded locations, locate those parked foggy cars, and make it absolutely impossible for people to get super intimate (This is what most Freed-Hardeman students devote their late night drives to. ;} In a small town there isn't much else to do anyway). Well, when we got out to actually Boog-Bust, we realized it was only 9:30pm and no on in their right mind would be trying to make out in a car so far away from our Freed-Hardeman 1am curfew. 

Hannah decided then that she wanted to get a piercing so we drove 30 minutes in to town to North Jackson to find a tattoo/piercing place that was still open. By this time it was about 11pm and literally every place we tried was either closed, about to be, or their piercing guy had just left. Regardless of our many foiled plans, we had a blast sticking our arms in the night air, gazing at the brilliant stars above our heads, and singing our hearts out to our favorite blared songs. It may seem like a ruined night to many, but it was a successful one for us! After getting back to campus I went and hung out with my friend Grace before curfew and then did my job that I do every night at curfew. 

Saturday was as uneventful as it gets. ;) I got Up at 10, rustled my clothes together, cleaned up a bit, took out the trash in the room, played some music on my iHome, wrote a note on the bathroom mirror for my suite to read, made some coffee, and left a note for my roommate before I left for the weekend. I wanted to take some friends home this weekend but everyone that wanted to go ended up being too busy. That was quite a bummer, but it's okay, there will be more opportunities! Mostly I wanted to show off our new house and go shopping/dining down on the river front. I'll make sure to bring my friends home soon! 

I drove the 2.5/3 hours that ended up being 2.1 ;) and arrived at the house where my mom and sister had just finally finished picking up from the garage sale that they'd had. They made quite a bit of money off of the sale, we live in an area where people thrive on this stuff! My dad was in Perryville helping some family friends move stuff from storage but when he got home we all sat down for steak, broccoli, and steamed potatoes. My parents left after supper to go take back the tables we'd borrowed for the garage sale and then my mom came back to pick my sister and I up to take advantage of the last night of half-price shakes at Sonic! They were delicious... I ended my night by crocheting baby socks and watching Parks and Recreation before heading to bed.

Sunday, which is today, was a bit of a sad one. Today was the last day that our preacher Edd Sterchi would be speaking to us as the pulpit minister. With the changes the congregation has been going through, the elders decided that we should look for a new preacher. Since finding the new minister, Edd was given this last day. It's been a confusing time for the congregation with the sudden announcement of Edd's replacement back in October of 2012. Since then, a small group was put together to find a new preacher for our church body and there has been a lot of sore feelings going around about the loss of the the Sterchi family and where they'd end up. Even today with Edd's last sermon, who knows where they'll end up, but our prayers reach out to them in the hope that God will find a place for them. My personal prayer is that Edd receives another pulpit job but if not, I will be more than ecstatic if they stay with us! Even though many are still unsure as to why Edd will no longer be our minister, I am confident in the leadership capabilities of our Elder's and strongly believe that they know what they are doing; after all, we chose them to lead! 

Edd had a whole sermon worked out that he'd rewritten upwards of 5 times to make sure he wasn't coming across as grinding the axe or speaking out of turn. As he said this, he stopped what he was doing, smiled, and crumpled up his lesson and threw and tossed the crumpled papers on the ground around the podium. As he did so, he simply said this, "I've rewritten this so many times that I can't even count... let us all just read from the text... all opinions aside, the text is why we're here." I couldn't help but feel a surge of emotions as he did this: PITY for the fact that he would no longer be our preacher, ANGER because of the emotions he must have felt but didn't deserve to be feeling, LOVE for the sincerity of his commitment to our church body, and RESPECT for his willingness to display his vulnerability before the people who loved him so dearly and supported him as he stood and spoke the hardest sermon of his life. Regardless of the feelings within the hearts of others, I couldn't help but listen intently. This was probably the most impressive sermon I'd heard by him, even in light of the reasoning for the lesson. The passage was from the following chapter

1 Thessalonians 5:11-28 (ESV)

11Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. 
12 We ask you, brothers, to respect those who labor among you and are over you in the Lord and admonish you,
13 and to esteem them very highly in love because of their work. Be at peace among yourselves. 
14 And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle,[a] encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all. 
15 See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone.
16 Rejoice always, 
17 pray without ceasing, 
18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 
19 Do not quench the Spirit. 
20 Do not despise prophecies, 
21 but test everything; hold fast what is good. 
22 Abstain from every form of evil. 
23 Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. 
24 He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it. 
25 Brothers, pray for us. 
26 Greet all the brothers with a holy kiss.
27 I put you under oath before the Lord to have this letter read to all the brothers. 
28 The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you.

Even though he'd crumbled up his notes, he spoke as the well-informed man that he is and I couldn't help but tear up a bit as he said verse 28, sending us off with the hope that the Lord Jesus Christ would be with us through all that we went through.

After services we went to Red Lobster as a family and then rolled over Kohl's, Cato, and Walmart to get some things for me that I'd been needing for school. After spending all day in town, we headed back home for the last hour and a half before services at 6 to rest and nap. I'm hoping that tonight after services wont be too crazy, the youth has a devotional right after and then one of the girls, Jordan, wants us all to hang out at her place. We'll see how it goes I figure... Until then, I wish you a pleasant end to your Lord's day and a safe trip this Labor Day weekend if you're making one!

Thursday, April 25, 2013

A Mix of Emotions


In the last few months I've been trying to find myself. My transition from high school to college was difficult, as is to be expected. I will be entering my junior year this coming fall and I have had so much to think on. I am currently a Graphic Design Major here at Freed-Hardeman University in Henderson, TN. Lately though I have considered changing that to a counseling degree because that is a field in which I feel that I could achieve and do so much.

I love art, it speaks to me, but I've always been such a "good listener." After seeing a counselor here on campus, I became more aware of my incredible potential for helping others in the same way.

Why did I start seeing a counselor? It's as simple as this: I listen to people a lot but I rarely take the time to tell others about my own troubles/worries. Because I kept it all "bottled-up" within me, I was not only carrying my burdens, but the burdens of others and it was affecting the way I was treating others and myself. Everything was backwards! My spiritual life was sluggish, my mind was a mess of emotions, and my heart was a marsh of logic.

I couldn't understand how I could be hanging out with friends and in the middle of having a good time, my mood would change drastically and I wouldn't want to be there any more. In the middle of all of the fun, I was the cold, angry one. As I would sit there, I'd get upset with myself because I couldn't understand why I was upset. So, not only was I "not in the mood" suddenly to hang out, but I was beating myself up in my head because I couldn't understand why I was being that way.

I still have my moments, but I feel more empowered and less lost in myself. After finding out that I am most likely suffering from bouts of Anxiety, I found peace in having a reason for my drastic changes in mood. Is it an excuse? Absolutely not! No, it’s more a reassurance that I am not inhuman, I have issues like everyone else. I was suffering from loneliness. My fear of abandonment by friends is something that really gets me down at times, however irrational it may be.

I distinctly remember a time in the last few weeks where I became aware of my “trigger” for the first time. My best friend came in really close to curfew and told me that the boy she liked practically told her that he liked her. Instead of feeling excitement, as any friend should, I felt an extreme burst of depression and loneliness. “Why?” I screamed within myself, “why am I doing this? I should be happy! I should be so excited for her!” I was shouting in my head but it didn’t do anything. I was upset. She could see it in my face, she knows me! And me? I felt so extremely guilt-ridden that I couldn’t even look her in the eyes. I could see her face though, and I watched as her giddy joy melted into confusion and disappointment. I couldn’t stand it, I was awful, but I could not help it. There was nothing to do then but to realize the reason for me shutting off this way; it was my supreme fear of being deserted by those I loved. She was the last friend I had that was not in a relationship or had a very close best guy friend and it terrified me to think she was leaving me behind as well. Don’t get me wrong, I am totally okay with being alone, but something inside me was screaming and crying at me. The anxiety I was told I had finally had a face that portrayed abandonment and its ugly name was loneliness. After I explained all my thoughts to her I can now say that I know she finally understood that it was a struggle of mine and I was happy for her. 

I continue to work and find myself realizing that I've already grown so much in the past few months. Last night though was the first time in such a long time that I spent about an hour talking to God and what a wonderful relief that was. There is nothing better than finding peace in our Lord! As C. S. Lewis said, "God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing." I finally find confidence in that statement, I can finally find my peace! 

"Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him" (James 1:12 ESV).