I know it's been a while, im a very busy person, but heres a few that might make you laugh =P

• Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.

Charles M. Shulz

• Exercise relieves stress. Nothing relieves exercise.

Unknown

• What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined... to strengthen each other... to be one with each other in silent unspeakable memories.

George Eliot

• The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind.

William James

• Loss of virtue in a female is irretrievable; that one false step involves her in endless ruin; that her reputation is no less brittle than it is beautiful; and that she cannot be too much guarded in her behaviour towards the undeserving of the other sex.

Jane Austen

• Be wary of the man who urges an action in which he himself incurs no risk.
  

Joaquin Setanti

• If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done.
  

Peter Ustinoy

• My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.

Ellen DeGeneres