You Are More

1 Corinthians 10:13 NASB
"No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it."

James 1: 2-6 NASB
"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. "

Romans 12:9-12 NASB
"Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor; not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer..."

We are not tempted beyond what we are able to endure. More than that, the trials we face, whether sin-related or otherwise, we are never given more than we can handle. I know that I have personally struggled with that verse because sometimes my trials seem too great. But where in there does it say that we can or should endure our trials alone? Nowhere are we told that our weaknesses and burdens are to be borne alone. We are to be devoted to one another in brotherly love. We are to encourage one another and give strength to the weak! If a brother lacks strength, are we not to pull from our past experience involving tribulation to help them overcome as well? I spent a lot of time thinking I was alone only to realize that when I talked to others about what I was struggling with, that I wasn't nearly as alone as I thought. 

"No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man..." Common... Wait, so my tribulation is common? Does this make it less than worthy of fighting for? Does this mean that my weakness is nothing special? No! This is meant to reassure us that our trials are not just our own. This verse is supposed to provide peace and give us hope knowing that others have endured similar trials to our own! Don't endure alone, no one ever should. Find people and friends who will stick by you, make you strong, lift you up, and encourage you! You are worthy of encouragement and strength, you are worthy of endurance and resilience, you are worthy of grace and mercy! My heart aches for those who don't understand this and don't feel it! You are worthy of so much! 

Is it just me or does it seem like faith can be so easily shaken? I've spent much time meditating over the verses above and I can confidently say that remaining faithful during trials is so hard. There's a verse in 2 Corinthians 12:10 that also plays in to this: "Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with stresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong." When I am weak, then I am strong. 

How can there be strength in weakness? It's so clear in James 1:2-6 that trials, the things that test our faith, the things that make us feel weak, lead us into perseverance and fosters endurance. I know that often I've cried out to God saying, "Why me, take this burden from me, I can't bear it any longer, how can I be this weak and make it through? I am not nearly enough!" I have cried out like this only to realize that at some point I had endured though I couldn't recall when it had finally happened. I hadn't been aware, but I had overcome! I had endured my trials and it was almost as if I'd forgotten they'd even plagued me once before! 

We cannot forget that we are not alone. We cannot forget that our strength comes from momentary weakness. We cannot forget that trials produce endurance and steadfastness. And most importantly, we cannot forget that we hold worth to God; to him we are more than enough!

Psalm 139:13-16 says, "For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them." So we are fearfully and wonderfully made. We are not common, each one of us is worthy of His grace and mercy, each one of us is more than common even if our weaknesses often are the same. 

It may be a silly analogy, but think with me for a second: Imagine you are walking through a parking lot and tell me, how many different types of cars do you see? There are hundreds upon thousands of brands and models, makes and colors, shapes and sizes. How often do we see identical cars? Even when we do, each one is still slightly different from the next in even the most subtle ways, right? How many cars experience the need for an oil-change, get a flat tire, or need new windshield wipers? How many cars have dings and/or broken glass that warrants repair? Though the injuries, repairs, and maintenance are often the same, the method of repair for each car is different due to circumstance. We are like cars, are we not? In the same way our burdens and trials are common in nature but vast in the method of repair! But in our weakness we are granted strength and endurance. 

So what is the point in endurance in the end? What do we gain? Besides the obvious final reward, our earthly lives will be better for our tribulation. If we endure then we grow. Without even realizing it, we will experience growth and somehow ultimately become more than we currently are. Sunday morning our congregation had a discussion about our worth and there was a story told about a girl who, immediately upon becoming baptized, was embraced by her grandfather who said to her, "You are now more, you will always be more." 

And what a beautiful idea that is, right? That we are becoming more every day as we overcome and make decisions that keep us on the right path. With weakness we become strengthened if we endure. Endurance is brought to us by way of trial and tribulation all made possible by the grace and mercy of God, who tells us that we are worthy of more. Just as reading scripture makes us both weak and strong, so do our trials. So that's it then, through our painful experiences there is this hope, there is this promise: You are now more, and you will always be more.

Hebrews 4:16 NASB
"Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."

Selfishness

We’ve all felt it, a need to be greedy. When you’re giving, when you open your heart, when you lay it all out there, when you feel defeated, when you’re constantly stepped on, when you have nothing left to give, you wish you could be a little selfish.

I want to be selfish. It’s easy to feel under appreciated when you’re always there for your friends and you constantly go out of your way to be supportive. Do you ever stop and think, “Why am I doing this? How is this benefitting me? Is it even worth how much I give, give, give?”

For me, I have moments when I feel that I should get something back. Does that make me more than just selfish? Is there any point in my desire to be more egotistic? In reflection I find myself depressed at the end of each day: worn by trying, exhausted by giving, saddened by lack of gratitude.

I think back to when I first sought out help for this issue and remember being asked, “Do you think that saying no will make you less like Christ?” Obviously my first reaction was to take a mental step back and realized that I’d never thought of it that way before. When you’re giving it all and taking nothing back you think that that’s all there is to it, right? How dare I be saddened, shouldn’t I be happy because I’m giving? Isn’t that what we’re taught to do? Don’t we reflect Christ most when we give? By desiring selfishness do we sacrifice Grace and Humility?

In Matthew we find that Christ gave until there was nothing left: “Even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:28). And again we find in John, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:34-35).

Love, love, give, give, it is all there in black and white (and sometimes even red depending on your translation). But why then is it so exhausting? Why then do we feel trapped when we’ve felt we’ve given it all?

Love is hard, Love is beautiful, Love is patient and kind, and Love can break us to pieces. As a reminder, let’s keep in mind that God didn’t say it would be easy either: “give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you” (Luke 6:38).

“Give and it will be given”: even when it’s not immediate.

“Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap”: don’t stop giving, keep up your pace with it, you’ll be trampled on, you’ll be shaken up, you’ll even be run over, and we have every guarantee of these very things.

“For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you”: If you’ve given it all, know you can give more and know that one day it’ll all come to fruition.

So there it is, here’s where we come back to what we started with, selfishness. So… we are granted selfishness in reward for when we give? No, I want to use this word to bring light to another idea. The negative connotation that selfishness carries can distract us from the truth of what we gain. By giving, we don’t gain selfishness. If you give it all, if you’ve truly emptied your heart, in the end there is reassurance that your heart wont leave here empty, but overflowing.

Our giving isn’t guaranteed an immediate reward and most likely, we wont receive our return from those we are giving so much to. It’s SO easy to be blinded by a lack of receiving that we can miss the little things from other people that reenergize and rehydrate our wrung out, worn thin, beaten down hearts. Don’t stop loving; don’t be afraid to squeeze what’s left from your heart, because it’ll still keep beating. We’re never given more than we can handle and a heart that’s empty shows the world how willing you are to rise above. Dip in to your heart and someone will always be a step behind you ready to fill yours back up.

There is no way to be free of the giving, we’re wired to do so and receive it in return. Don’t shy away from giving for the fear of losing yourself. Don’t be afraid to receive, lean in to the little gifts because they all add up in the end. Be Selfishly Self-less.

Truth Be Told

Well here I am. It's been a really long time, hasn't it? I guess time gets away from you when you're always trying to manage it. Where to begin? I guess you might be wondering why I'm sitting here, wide awake at 1:30 am, typing up my feelings. To put it simply, sometimes you just can't sleep unless your mind is clear. I had a good long talk with God tonight before I crawled in to bed after playing Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare for way too long only to realize I haven't talked to Him in a while either. It's sad to me that my priorities have been skewed by, well, simply a lack of desire. After so much work at school to keep up grades, meet pressing deadlines, manage friends, family, and work, and grow in my faith, I stopped trying. I finished my semester, I met my deadlines, I handled a couple friends, I showed up for work, I talked to my family, but my faith has hit a lull. 

Isn't it the easiest thing in the world to get caught up in all of the busy and forget to factor in your faith? There I go again, being another stereotype; typical human Christian: go figure, I'm not perfect, surprise. (;

In the last year I've accomplished much and I can easily say I've grown a lot. I've had some pretty crazy ups and some pretty stellar downs and all of them have gotten me here. I'm always on a search for happiness but God never says that he just wants me to be happy, does He (that's a rhetorical question, for those who cared to know). 

Truth Be Told

I've found myself face-to-face with the reality of being less than I want to be and more than I deserve. For as long as I can remember I've been told I have enough talent to share and still have some to spare, but it's easy to underrate talent when compared to life goals. I guess by this point, 5 years ago, I planned to have a drive for my career, a guy to support me, and an income to support our goals, too. Sadly, I'm not driven in the my goals for my career of being a Counselor or Art Therapist because deep down I think I'd always planned to be dependent on another by now. I know, go figure! Call me old fashioned, but I don't want to be the bread-winner. I am perfectly okay with staying home, doing that wifey stuff, working part time, etc. Now I don't need all that flack about how I "don't need no man" or any of that other stuff, trust me, I know. I'm just saying that I finally realized that my goals were set for two and it's an eye-opening (and rather un-motivating) realization. 

Don't get me wrong people, I'm good alone. In fact, I've gone a solid year without a hard-core crush and what a weight that is off of my shoulders! Life is so much easier when you don't care what you wear because there's no one to impress. It's flat exhausting giving two stones about a person that won't ever give you a pebble back, let alone one of your precious stones. That old phrase with the flower comes to mind: "He loves me, he loves me not." Why tease yourself and why ruin a perfectly good flower? Honestly I think, if we're all honest with ourselves, the saying should go: "She loves him, he loves her not." Honestly just being funny, I'm not heartbroken, just a realist and we all know it's true.

The fatal truth is that nothing is new under the sun (I learned that from God's word) and we all deal with the same things in the end. We've all loved someone who loved another and didn't give us a second glance. Needless to say, I'm tired of wearing rose-tinted goggles while homeboy is wearing binoculars trained on the stars. Truth be told, I'm just on stand-by until someone decides to tune in to my station because I'm tired of tweaking my frequency so that the listener hears less static. Did that makes sense? Were the metaphors too much? Hahaha! I'm sorry, I won't delete them. They're kind of growing on me. 

In the typical 8 semesters you're in college (or more for some), you have a plan to have 1 roommate for a long time. I mean, come on! You see it in the movies, you read it in books: one roommate that becomes your best friend and you just hit it off and stay friends forever? Yeah... movies are missing the majority, I suppose. I'm going in to my 8th semester and, after recounting last night, I'll be going in to it with my 9th roommate. Don't get me wrong, I've had a couple super roommates, but I tend to be that one that people stay with until what they wanted opens up. Some people are the gateway to happiness I suppose, and I'm pretty good at that. I'm not putting myself on any higher place or anything, but I tend to be a "listener" and "advice giver", and everyone knows that those people tend to be the most... walked on I suppose. I wouldn't trade my talent for listening and objectively giving feedback for the world but in moments like these it get's a bit hard. I'm done with dorm life, done with being let down, over the cutesy room stuff, fed up with the rearranging of my own life to fit others, and I guess that I'm ready to be selfish. Is it right? By no means, but I'd be a liar if I said I didn't struggle with the desire to be selfish. 

Any way, pity party over (I can hear your thank you's from here, please quiet down, you're messing with my mojo). 

Accomplishments

If anyone is still reading (and bless you're heart if you are. I might just love you), In this last year I've gone above and beyond what I expected in my painting career and fallen even more in love with oil on canvas. I've learned some pretty valuable studying skills (finally) and managed to keep my GPA nice and high. I've made spectacular memories in New Zealand with some pretty stellar people as we carried God's Word with us. I saw some favorite bands: Twenty One Pilots, Panic! At the Disco, OneRepublic, The Script. I had a job this summer at a Dollar Tree in town which really wasn't all that bad (I actually kind of enjoyed it... plus the money). I've made some awesome friends that I hope to keep around for a bit longer. Hey, I even lost 20 lbs this summer by eating right. 

So don't get me wrong, It's been a fantastic year.

Rambles or Advice?

In reflection, I wouldn't change a thing about this last year except my reliance on God. The old and faithful have preached it a million times over: find your rest in God, give it all to Him, and it'll all work out. No doubt, truly: I believe that in every way. Here's the thing though... you also need your Christian brothers and sisters. I mean, God told us that this life wouldn't be easy. We've been told we'll face trials that test our faith, but no where does it say that we have to (or should) face our hurdles alone. So, yes! Give it ALL to God in EVERY way with ALL your heart, soul, and mind, but don't be afraid to let someone in to see what you're struggling with. After all, God made Eve for Adam, didn't He? We live in a time of disconnect and somewhere along the line we all became afraid of vulnerability. I'm no fool, I know it's hard and I know I'm one of THE. WORST. at being vulnerable, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't keep trying. The best way to deal with what drowns you is to find someone who can't tread water either. Besides, you float a lot better when someone is there to help you build a raft. 

People are energy, friends can be our personal saviors, God provided people for a reason. Jesus may not be physical any more, but God's works are through His people and I see it the most when I lean on a friend and they lean back. I guess I want to remind everyone that you're not alone. More often than not, the thing you struggle with most is also a struggle for the person sitting next to you. You know that, I just wanted to remind you. I pray you all have a blessed day and please keep me in mind the next time you speak to God. 

In Him